This is the one hundred and twenty-fourth entry of Barney's Blog, written by How I Met Your Mother main character Barney Stinson. It was retrieved from Barney's Blog at the CBS website here.

This entry is in response to the episode Natural History.

Barney Stinson: A Life Of Awesome

November 08, 2010

What if you could travel back in time to witness the birth of awesomeness? This winter, you can, when The National Stinsonian Institution presents its newest and grandest traveling exhibition, "Barney Stinson: A Life of Awesome." Trace the roots of awesome, beginning with Barney's very first soiled diaper and ending with a mini-fridge full of frozen sperm.

Highlights of the collection will include:

Necktie (circa 1984, courtesy Barney Stinson)

Barney's first tie, a deep burgundy Versace pure twill silk featuring the signature Medusa head print in a subtle tone-on-tone pattern, was first worn to his aunt's wedding in the parking lot of Steiny's Pub in Staten Island. A pea-sized YooHoo stain would eventually lead to the tie's removal from rotation.

Napkin (circa 6th grade, courtesy Barney Stinson)

A crumpled, pizza-stained napkin from Chuck E. Cheese's that contains Barney's very first attempt at a pick-up line. While the entirety of the line has been lost to time, still visible are the first two words scribbled in barely legible purple crayon: "Nice jellies…" Barney's first kiss is rumored to have happened four minutes later in the arcade behind Tehkan World Cup so, yeah… it worked.

Film Script (circa 1988, courtesy Loretta Stinson)

This shooting draft of "The Karate Kid" was autographed by director John G. Avildsen and star William Zabka and comes with a certificate of authenticity signed by Loretta Stinson, the Postmaster General and sadly once again, William Zabka.

Condom Wrapper (mid to late 1990's, on loan from Rhonda French)

This cyan-colored plastic wrapper was part of Trojan's Magnum XL line of condoms. In various interviews Barney has described it as "a bit snug." Because his penis is enormous.

Phaser Pack (circa 2005, gift of Barney Stinson)

Laser tag vest worn by Barney during the Atlantic Region Sectional Finals when he became the first invisibility match champion over the age of 20.

Exhibition Specifications

Tour Locations: Winter 2010 (Europe), Spring 2011 (Panama City Beach, South Padre Island, Lake Havasu City)

Footprint: 14,000 square feet

Security: Crazy Tight

Contents: 83 framed color and black-and-white photographs, 69 hours of bedroom security camera footage, miscellaneous artifacts to awesomeness

Recommended ticket price: $15, or $5 with donation of shirt (ladies only)

Notes and Trivia

  • Steiny's Pub is a real pub in Staten Island. Their website can be found here.
  • Barney's mother, Loretta, wrote a letter claiming to be from the US Postmaster General to explain to a younger Barney why no-one attended his birthday party (revealed in Cleaning House).
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